Friday, December 31, 2010

Top 25 Songs of 2010 (#16-#25)

While you can’t count on much from this blog, you can always count on a bunch of lists being compiled at the end of the year. Couple that with a massive snow day and you’re bound to get a bunch of lists that I came up with while showering.

I could say that I'm just building suspense, but honestly, it's a procrastination thing that is allowing me to only post the #16-#25 songs of the year. Lots of last minute tweaking and such.

Normally I would use this space to make some sort of unresearched generalization about music in Year 20XX, but honestly, there aren't really any patterns to be summed up anymore. There was just a plethora of awesome songs this year.

So, here's your (meaning "my") Top 25 Songs of 2010, numbers 16-25 (descending).
And enjoy the playlist below.

25. Galactic f. Irma Thomas - "Heart of Steel"

24. Typefighter - "Ocean Floor"

23. Givers - "Saw You First"

22. Josh Ritter - "Change of Time"

21. School of Seven Bells - "Windstorm"

20. Janelle Monae - "Tightrope (f. Big Boi)"

19. Nick Jaina - "Sleep Child"

18. The New Pornographers - "Crash Years"

17. The Spring Standards - "Queen of the Lot"

16. Mumford & Sons - "The Cave"

Top 5 Things About Colorado That Annoy the Crap out of Me

While you can’t count on much from this blog, you can always count on a bunch of lists being compiled at the end of the year. Couple that with a massive snow day and you’re bound to get a bunch of lists that I came up with while showering.

Don’t get me wrong, we love Colorado. So much so that we’ll probably never move anywhere else. It’s beautiful, people actually want to visit you, it’s got seasons. None of those things were true when we lived in Texas. But, as with all states I’m sure, it’s got some annoyances that must be splayed out airing-of-grievances style.

So today’s list is The Top 5 Things About Colorado That Annoy The Crap Out Of Me.

5. The Food Pretty Much Sucks

I confess that I don’t really get out all that much for dinner. Let’s say you wouldn’t refer to me as a “human Zagat’s guide”. But still, moving from Austin to Colorado was like eating in Baylor’s Penland dorm one day and Collins the next (all my Baylor inside joke homies in the house say “heeeyyyy!”).

4. The Sun

It’s not Alaska or anything, but in the winter the Sun goes down at like 4:30 PM and in the Summer it overstays it’s welcome until 9:30. It’s pretty annoying when it’s still sunny outside and you’re trying to put your kids to bed. Me: “No, honey, it’s just the tilt of the Earth toward the sun that is making you think it’s not nighttime yet.” Her: “IT’S NOT NIGHT YET!!!!!!!”

3. May

Look, snow is enchanting and all. It’s beautiful when it snows that first time. And even in March and April the snow is nice and it melts quickly. But when it’s May and the trees haven’t put out their leaves yet, because they’ve seen this before and they know that there could be one last snow storm, it gets pretty depressing. You know when the rest of the country is on Spring Break? We’re just getting started with Winter in Colorado.

2. You Feel Like an Asshole if You Sit Around the House All Weekend

Typical Monday morning office conversation.

Me: So what’d you do this weekend.
Them: I went on a high-altitude back-country triathlon. Then I went cross-country skiing on Sunday. What’d you do?
Me: I... um... watched football. Oh! I went to the store and bought sneakers!
Them: [looks at me in disgust]

OK usually they don’t look at me in disgust, it’s mostly myself that feels disgusted with myself. Look, I like to just hang out, maybe leave the house if the weather’s nice. And I’ll go hiking every now and again, but jeez! The people here don’t take a weekend off! Don’t you people have Netflix??

1. You Can’t Buy Liquor in Grocery Stores

What are we in the Prohibition Era??? This doesn’t sound like that big a deal, but it is. I go grocery shopping with my kids from time to time. And in Texas, when I went to a grocery store - say, your local H.E.B. - you could pick up a nice 6-pack of beer or bottle of wine and it was no big deal. It was like, “hey, that’s a good father who plans on having a relaxing evening at home after he reads his kids stories before bed-time.” Now in Colorado, when I have to make a second stop to a liquor store, dragging the kids along it’s like, “what a creep! He must be a booze-hound, dragging his kids in here like that! I bet he’s abusive!” when I’m totally none of those things.

Get your act together, Colorado! Let 3.2+% ABV liquor in your fine grocery stores! Except don’t be like California where you can get hard liquor in grocery stores. That shit’s messed up. If you want to buy Jaegermeister, go do it in a fucking liquor store away from us finer citizens. You abusive, creepy booze-hound.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Top 10 Things that Kept Us Sane in 2010

Hello. Long time, no blog. But while you can’t count on much from this blog, you can always count on a bunch of lists being compiled at the end of the year. Couple that with a massive snow day and you’re bound to get a bunch of lists that I came up with while showering.

Let’s start out with the list of Top 10 Things that Kept Us Sane in 2010, as we have done in 2008 and 2009.

2010 was a bitch of a year. We keep thinking that this past year was the shittiest year ever. But 2010 really took the cake. We had a Cavs epic playoff meltdown followed by "The Decision", the Tea Party going mainstream and making politicians too willing to start things like this which basically makes Uncle Jeb a peer-reviewer for science grants, the Haiti earthquake, the Oil Spill (complete with ranking member of the Committee on Energy and Commerce Joe Barton-R apologizing to BP for everyone being so mean to them), pussy Democrats doing things like firing someone because Andrew Breitbart posted something on youtube, our free cable got phased out by the digital revolution, and I had to write my MS Thesis which I never want to fucking look at again.

If it weren’t for the following group of people and things we certainly would have gone postal on ya’ll months ago.

10. The Sporkful

“It’s not for foodies, it’s for eaters.” If you’re looking for a recipe for coq au vin, you’re looking in the wrong place. No, Dan and Mark would rather use their podcasts to educate the populous on proper buffet strategy, leftover storage and reheating techniques, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (that was a two-parter!). They also started making videos for Slate in which they create ridiculous sandwiches, make Four Loko, and other awesome endeavors.

9. Keenan Thompson

I think Keenan Thompson might be the most underrated Saturday Night Live cast member ever. He’s never mentioned in the pantheon of great cast members, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a skit of his and not laugh. This year he took it to a new level with the Rent is Too Damn High party guy.

8. Wonkette

Pretty much here because of the hilarious headlines they produce day after day, distilling the essence of conservative paranoia and victimology. Other times, the Wonkette headlines are more earnest-funny (“Please Convict Tom DeLay Already), and other times shaming-funny (“Republicans Do Not Care For 9/11 Welfare Queens (First Responders)”), and other times just funny-funny (“Americans Having More Sex In Butt”).

As always, the “Wonkette Guide to the War on Christmasis fun.

See also, “John Bolton Has An Opinion About Wikileaks: Barack Obama Sucks” and “Cool Rush Limbaugh Photoshop Reminds You Obama Is a Black Gang Member

Update: From this morning."
A Children’s Treasury of ‘GZ Mosk’ Activists Against Justin Bieber"

7. Eggo Waffles

Yes, they are incredibly bad for you, and probably only one notch up on Pop-Tart as part of this complete breakfast that will kill you. But when you’ve got two kids in the morning who are like those angry, fast zombies in 28 Days Later until they get food in their stomach, you’ve got to toss something at them. Cold cereal won’t do. Toast requires additional work, like buttering. Eggo Waffles: toss them in the toaster (or not, if it’s critical situation) and you’ve got a terrible breakfast that the kids will devour like locusts. You’re good until 10:30 at least.

(P.S. Love the "Homestyle" Eggos. Nothing says "Homestyle" quite like a perfectly rectangular prism box with 60 frozen waffles inside."

6. The Icelandic Volcano Ash Cloud

Most people would probably put this among the things that made this year suck, but not me. Check this shit out.

ASH CLOUD!!!!!!!

5. The Nintendo Wii

This is a rather recent addition to the List of Things Keeping Us Sane, brought on by an early Christmas present. If you’re like us, then you hate going outside when it’s cold. And it’s hard not to become a fat slob when you don’t go outside. Here’s the thing: if I were to force our kids to run in place, CPS would take them away. But put them in front of a TV screen where they are chasing a kitty, and you’ve got exercise!

4. Aziz Ansari

Mrs. Supercomputer and I saw Aziz this Summer in Denver and he killed us. Like Kenan Thompson, he rarely says a word without cracking us up.

3. Peyton Hillis

In a year of remarkable suckitude for all Cleveland sports, Hillis is pretty much the only athlete not to totally suck. Are people overreacting to his moderate success this year? Yes. Is part of his appeal the novelty of a white running back? Sure. I’d be willing to bet he’s not even a 1000 yard rusher next year. But this year, he was awesome and gave us things like this.

2. Girl Talk

By mixing 100s of different tracks into a sprawling (free) album, Girl Talk created A) a wonderful piece of nostalgia and B), a fun hour-and-a-half time killer. If you work in an office and your co-workers don’t mind a consistent stream of expletives and/or you have headphones, you can spin All Day and crank out a ton of work.

1. The Wire

Having heard nothing but great things about The Wire, I was sort of waiting for a rainy couple months to get into this. Thesis writing time was as good as any. And for the next three months, Mrs. Supercomputer banged out episode after episode, evening after evening. There’s probably not much more to say than this: you know all those annoying co-workers and friends that keep saying “OH MAN, YOU’VE JUST GOT TO WATCH THE WIRE! IT’S AMAZING!”? They’re right.

(P.S. Here's a fun game: for those who haven't seen the entire series, see if you can guess which ONE of the four gentlemen above does not get killed by Season 5!)