Sunday, July 05, 2009

Sports Suck

Seriously, anyone that follows any sport fervently needs to reevaluate their life. All sports league are fucking retarded. No exceptions. Sport itself is fine, but the manifestations of Sport in our lives is a nightmare.

Major League Baseball. The disparity in payroll makes the game unwatchable. It's not so much that the small-market teams can never compete, it's that the big market teams will never suck. You can patch over a bad trade or a hole in the lineup with a ton of money. Small market teams have to hit it *exactly right* for the chance at a 3-4 year window. But the Yankees, Red Sox, Dodgers, and Cubs will never have a sub-.500 record ever again because they can patch over any problem. It used to not be a big deal when we were talking a $70 million payroll discrepency. Now it's surging past $200 million. Those big market teams can be as inept as can be, but they'll never have to suffer through a season of David Delucci. Because why should they?

Major League Baseball probably has the most fundamentally wrong with it (though probably the most lucrative, perhaps best, product to sell): The asinine draft where players are drafted due to "signability" rather than talent. Foreign academies. Oh yeah: HGH.

The National Football League. The average lifespan of an NFL player is something like 58 years old (maybe it's just linemen). I'm not sure how any rational person can look at that and not be a little sickened with themselves.

The National Basketball Association. Fouling. Any sport where you commit a foul as a strategy is fatally flawed. It makes huge sense to foul when up by 3, but as soon as coaches figure that out, we'll lose several incredible endings at the free throw line.

The National Hockey League. Hockey.

The National Basketball Association probably has the least fundamentally wrong of any of the three major sports leagues. And they have a former ref in prison for betting on games.

And if you say NASCAR deserves to be included in the discussion, you deserve a swift kick in the gonads.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

poor poor cleveland fans.

Adam said...

So really, what you're saying is that if you're a hockey fan, all is well.

I couldn't agree more with the rest. Though I enjoy NFL, you're right on with the serious problem beneath it.

Anonymous said...

You're right! It's a national catastrophe! Help right this wrong by joining the International I Hate Sports club at sportssuck.org! Do your civic duty today!