Just a couple weeks ago, we spent an entire post mocking the advent of Twitter. We still stand by that salacious mockery. We don't care if you're going to a Vietnamese restaurant. We don't care if you're going to yoga class. We don't care if the guy at behind the counter at Starbucks (c) is a asshole. So please, don't inundate us with your banal existence. That goes for you too, Facebook status mongers.
However, we have been alerted to the value of Twitter by one, Shaquille O'Neal. Yes, Shaq has given us a lot in our time: video games, awful rap albums, NBA championships, priceless quotes, and The Worst Movie of All Time. But his promotion of Twitter might be his most lasting contribution to society. Found at @THE_REAL_SHAQ , we get insights like the following:
*The thoughts u choose n think n believe rt now r creating yur future, deez thoughts form yur xperiences, tomorro,nxt week,n nxt year Shaq
*Confession I admit to taking performance adhancing cereal....Frosted Flakes mixed with Fruit Loops and Bananas. Pls dnt judge me
*I'm experiencing my first hail storm, ouch sounds like a bunch of rocks falling out of the sky, Run aaaaaaaaghgn run aaaaaaaagh I'm scared
*I'm at the orlando airport the first one touches me wins a prize...
*@DanicaPatrick vroom vrooom I challenge u to a race, vroom$ vroom, naaa good luk, u r a true legend, I'm proud of u u r da best
*Kobe has been thru to much to let anything phase him, hell of a game Shaq aka Bryant mumble
We have no idea what that last sentence (?) means. If someone can translate Shaq-tweet-to-English, we'd really appreciate it.
Anyway, this is sort of the format of Twitter that works for us. Celebrities, psuedo-celebrities, journalists, and a few witty friends making pithy and hopefully funny comments. It's more of a live blog, or a chat session than a means of connecting and keeping up. And we can certainly see the value (and hilarity) of that.
We can't imagine following more than a handful of friends/celebs. Even with a scant couple-dozen followers, we're hardly able to keep up. Then you see that @KarlRove is following an amazing 52,000 twitterers (twits?). C'mon Karl, you've done a lot of decietful things in your time, but no one's buying that you're keeping up with 52,000 people via Twitter.
So feel free to follow Dear Mr. Supercomputer at @dearmrsupercomp for witty comments that do not warrant the normal insightful in-depth analyses we provide here at DMS.
(Ed. Note: We totally hate that twitter name. Fucking limited characters!!!!)
M. Ward - "Epistemology"