Sunday, May 17, 2009

What's With These People?

The following is a roundtable discussion between Girl Supercomputer and Boy Supercomputer. We left a tape recorder in their room one day. Seriously, we didn't even know the boy could talk but sure enough, the evidence is clear.


Boy Supercomputer: What's with these people?

Girl Supercomputer: Which people?

BS: You know. Mom and Dad. They can be such jerkwads sometimes.

GS: I know right??! Tell me about it. This whole bedtime thing is a joke.

BS: You're telling me! You get to stay up until 8:00! They put me to bed at like 7:45.

GS: Either way, it's, like, soooooo bright outside. Seriously, this bedtime thing has GOT to go.

BS: Sure does.

GS: You know what's worse?? As soon as we "go to bed," they're up watching all sorts of cool movies all night!

BS: Man! That totally SUCKS!

GS: Sometimes I come out of my bed and there they are on the couch, watching something, and they tell me to go back to bed. They threaten to take my nightlight after I do it a few times. But you know what? I found a loophole.

BS: Do tell.

GS: Well I've got a couple strategies actually. The first thing I do is come out reeeeeal slowly and then I look at Daddy (he's the softy) and say in the most pensive voice I can muster, "I just wanted to say I love you." Any animosity they had just melts away. It's awesome. Then I have a few seconds with which I can either grab an extra stuffed animal, book, or toy to play with in bed.

BS: Brilliant! I don't know that I could pull that off.

GS: OK, try this one. BATHROOM! I come out and say I have to go to the bathroom. What are they gonna do, say "no?" And I usually can go pee too because one of the first things I do is ask for extra water. So I take my time. Sing a song. Wash my hands. I can usually stretch one pee into a good 15 minutes of extra staying up time.

BS: You are a mad genius.

GS: Eh. It's not rocket science.

BS: Well, I'm still on the diaper thing so I'm not too sure about that one.

GS: You're still pulling the diaper bit? Ha! That one kills me. (*Mockingly*) "Ooooh waahhh I'm a baby! You have to wipe the crap off my butt!" Man, that was the sweet life. Let me tell you kid, keep that going for as long as you can. Nothing sucks worse that being right in the middle of a real kickass tea-party and then having to excuse yourself from your stuffed animals to use the bathroom. What I wouldn't give to just be able to just go and continue on with my life.

BS: Yeah, it's pretty sweet. I can just be watching TV and instead of having to pause it, I just load up the diaper and keep watching.

GS: Ah, those were the days.

BS: Yeah.

GS: You know what though? You stick with me and I'll get you through it.

BS: Thanks sis.

GS: That's what big sisters are for. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.

BS: Cool have fun. I'll be here hitting myself on the head with things.



Maureen said...

BB: and crapping my pants....while hitting myself with things.... at least I can multi task !

Maureen said...

BB=Big Brother = BS = Boy Supercomputer