Sunday, March 22, 2009

Imagine: DMS on Twitter

We draw the line at Twitter. We caved on Facebook. We see the utility in Facebook. But Twitter? That has to be the most useless time-drain on the Internet. What? You're having a BLT sandwich? You're excited about the new Lost? You are tired from a long day of work? We give a rat's ass?

No. We don't. We don't care.

But yet, Twitter is so in right now, even U.S. congressmen and women are using it during presidental addresses.

So, you might be familiar with the concept of Spring Break. It's a week long holliday for those associated, even if only tangentially, with the academic world. Anyway, we had SB this past week and got to wondering, if we felt the need to "tweet" every single thought that popped into our head and every single thing we did, what it would have looked like...

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3/14

Woo! Spring Break!
7:23 AM

I'm having breakfast! It's bacon!
7:45 AM

Oops! Coffee's kicking in!
8:32 AM

Man, I feel much better!
9:12 AM

I think I'l go to the park today! It's gorgeous outside!@
10:51 AM

Fuck that park shit. It's hell to get kids dressed. We're hanging out in our underwear today.
11:29 AM

My God! I looooove penut butter!
12:55 PM

I'm going to the store! I'm going to get elbow macaroni, milk, cheese, and flour! Guess what I'm making for dinner!!!!
3:10 PM

Give up???? It's macaroni and cheese!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
3:59 PM

3/15
It's so fucking early. Why did he have to wake up so fucking early.
5:34 AM

I'm having my third cup of espresso! My hands are jittery and I'm still tired!
7:00 AM

Everyone else is up!!!! I hate them all!! With all my guts!
7:39 AM

I'm going to take a nap! I love pillows!!!!!!1
9:50 AM

You know what sucks??! Loud noises!
11:45 AM

3/16
Ah the official start of Spring Break! Wooo!
6:30 AM

Man, I'm so damn bored. Good thing I have twitter!!!!!!!!
7:00 AM

I should spend time with my children instead of updating my twitter feed!!!!!!! lol
8:33 AM

You know what? Avacados are great! But who can afford them??????!
10:01 AM

Only 8 more hours until Dancing with the Stars!!!!
11:02 AM

Seriously, I need some human contact.
3:33 PM

3/17
My ear itches.
8:54 AM

Much better.
8:55 AM

So I was thinking the other day about possibly movingat wild! I hear it's so beautiful there! And it's so progressive and people have a mor
10:34 AM

Fucking Twitter!! 140 characters, my ass! My thoughts require at LEAST 150 characters!!!!
10:45 AM

My twitter feed is a cry for help.
12:01 PM

3/18
I just checked my facebook status and I forgot I need to be updating that too! lol
7:22 AM

My internet went out! Then it came back on!!!!!!
8:20 AM

The temperature is 62 degrees! And the dewpoint is 46!!!!!!!!!!
12:44 PM

What's up with commercials????
3:00 PM

I'm watching Everybody Loves Raymond!!!!!!! Raymond just made his wife upset!!!
4:12 PM

Rachel Ray looks fantastic! Isn't she fabulous?!?
4:44 PM

3/19
Eggs!!!! MMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!
8:00 AM

Wafffllllles!!!!!!
8:10 AM

Sausage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:15 AM

Violent projectile vomit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8:22 AM

I'm going to bed.
10:33 PM

3/20
I'm waking up.
6:24 AM

SPRING BREAK!!!! WOOOOOO!!!
7:45 AM

The exclamaion marks on my twitter feed are a mask for the true banality of my life.
8:44 AM

SPRING BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!
9:15 AM

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And so concludes our spring break, vis-a-vis, twitter. Man, even fake twittering is exhausting.

2 comments:

Kendra said...

u are very entertaining...

k said...

hmm..the funny thing is YOU HAVE AN ACCOUNT. don't be so self righteous, weirdo.