Thursday, December 25, 2008

Top 10 Least Favorite Cleveland Athletes of 2008

Sort of a bizzaro list to last year's comprendium. But that's the kind of year it was in Cleveland.

10. Ben Wallace. Learn how to shoot a fucking free throw (see above). My god, you're a basketball player.
9. Rafael Betancourt. Yeah, so maybe roiding up helps pitchers too.
8. Jamal Lewis. When you complain about not getting the ball enough, you should probably be averaging more than three yards per carry. Can I get a what-what?
7. Travis Hafner. Thank God you signed that huge extension before you decided to revery to Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer form.
6. Wally Szczerbiak. Wait, Firefox Spell Checker, you mean you don't recognize "Szczerbiak" in your database? There's a shocker!
5. Sasha Pavlovic. It's kind of cool when good or great athletes have girl names like Stacey Augmon. It's amazingly lame if you average five points a game.
4. Andy Marte. Man, we were so excited when the Indians traded for him, the #1 prospect in baseball a few years ago. Now, he's just a tubbo. He's listed at 190, but if that's true, then I'm as as skinny as I was before kids.
3. Braylon Edwards. When you're primary job as a reciever is to catch the football, it's probably not good if you SUCK AT CATCHING FOOTBALLS!!!!
2. Anderson Varejao. You know what sucks about basketball? You can be a total talentless fuck and as long as you're tall you can earn millions of dollars. At least in football if you're a large motherfucker you still have to be fast or strong or something. And in baseball kind of the opposite is true: you can be a fat bastard, but as long as you have talent you can play. But Anderson Varejao can't do shit. Well, the one thing he can do is hold out for a larger contract and then grow an ugly-ass haircut.
1. Shaun Smith. Actually, he might have been the year's best non-Lebron Cleveland athlete if it weren't for his punching his own teammate who happened to have a broken hand at the time. Yes, you, sir, get to shoot right up the list. Also, he's a big fat-ass.

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