Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Post Election Pledge

OK, this damn election is driving us absolutely batty. We've already checked FiveThirtyEight.com thirteen thousand times today even though we know the nightly polling thread won't be up until, well, nighttime. We've checked Salon.com's War Room, desperately hoping for even more news of the dissension within the McCain camp, which we gloriously lap up like thirsty Kanagroos in the Outback.

We've tried to deny it. We've tried to just let it go and focus on happier, less insanity inducing topics, but we've failed. It's just going to drive us crazy until the evening of November 4 (and if we're unlucky, early morn November 5). That's just the way it is. We've been vested in this thing for 20 months now. Baby Supercomputer turned into Toddler Supercomputer who turned into Girl Supercomputer. Egg Supercomputer turned into Junior Supercomputer. All throughout this damn election.

We've heard that Obama is an elitist, a terrorist, a guy who pals around with terrorist, a Muslim, a baby killer, a Socialist, a Marxist, unqualified, inexperienced, power-hungry, loves arugula, a sexist, too black, not black enough, talking white, a celebrity, insubstantial, and the mother of all affirmative action beneficiaries. We've had America divided into "pro" and "anti" regions. We've been told that everyone who supports Obama cannot think for themselves and are victims of group think.

We've booed Katie Couric, the New York Times, and community organizing.

Frankly we are so ready to get this thing over with.

So we're going to make a pledge for when this long national nightmare is over. We need to get back into a normal cognitive state. so after this thing is played out, we're going to try to recalibrate our brain.

So our pledge is as follows:

-- We pledge not to go to Pollster.com to check if the new West Virginia poll is out.
-- We pledge to not listen to Slate's Political Gabfest podcast.
-- We pledge to not watch cable news. Ever again. Sorry Keith.
-- We plan to take semi-permanent break from politics showing up on this blog.
-- We pledge to spend less time surfing political websites and more time surfing fantasy sports websites.
-- We pledge to give money to worthy causes.

So, what are some other pledges we can all make to put this behind us, once it's mercifully over?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Early voting numbers: