Saturday, December 29, 2007

Top 10 GRE Words of 2007

As the year begins to turn to 2008, we'll be participating in a tradition as old as the Internets themselves: creating an overabundance of top 10 lists.

Dear Mr. Supercomputer had the pleasure of taking the GRE this morning. So before we get to the list of the day, there's a few things we'd like to say first:

Stupid GRE damn test. Fuck up my Christmas break will you?! With your damn words that no one except pretentious pricks know.
Soporific?! Succor?! Grandiloquence?!! I've got a vocabulary word: fuck you. But you're such assholes you'd probably remind me that that's two words. Well bite me. You want an analogy? Try this one on for size:

GRE : test :: can eat : my ass


And if I have to spend another minute reading your god-awful reading comprehension compositions I might just go fling poo at the closest ETS office. Where did you find this "reading material." Total bullshit about the architecture of the pilgrims or the recent trend in water purification?! Why not just read me the ingredients of a box of Fruit Loops? Or better yet: just take a crowbar and whack me over the head with it!

But at least I'm done with you. I got a damn good score, no thanks anything relevant I've learned in the past 27 years. So you can just go straight to hell GRE.


Whew.

Now that that's out of the way... let me present to you the Top 10 GRE (Bullshit) Words of 2007 That You Will Never Hear or Use In Conversation Unless You Are Conversing With Assholes.

10. Hegemony. I actually used this bullshit word in the essay portion. I hate myself.
9. Equanimity. It's even better when the really long bullshit word doesn't mean what it sounds like!
8. Maudlin. Seriously, if I ever heard someone use this word in a conversation, I'd punch them in the crotch.
7. Obsequious.
6. Surreptitious. Just say "sneaky" dammit!!!!!
5. Aver. Give me a fucking break.
4. Noisome. Definition has nothing to do with noise.
3. Soporific. What the fuck?! "Causes drowsiness?" When have you ever picked up a Ny-Quill bottle and it said "Caution - the contents of this bottle are soporific!" Never. That's when.
2. Misanthrope.
1.Grandiloquence. "Pompus speech or expression." Yup.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You misanthrope.

Your surreptitious use of grandiloquence is quite soporific.

No, seriously...you use the word "juxtaposed"...hypocritical bastard!

~Liz

Anonymous said...

My favorite was sanguine, which has the prefix 'sang' which is Latin for blood. Sanguinous means muderous, yet sanguine means cheerful. WTF?!

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