Thursday, October 04, 2007

I Hate The Yankees

I seriously hate the Yankees. Virtually all non-Yankee fans do too. And even Yankee fans should hate themselves. If you root for the Yankees, you are probably a prick. At what point in life did you look at that franchise and say, "yeah, I like the way they can outspend every team by millions and ensure a place in the postseason every year" or "wow! With all those advantages at the outset, I'm sure they'll be great!"

Is it even fun to root for the Yankees? I don't know any real Yankee fans so I don't really know. I just know that I hate those pricks.

This is a matchup of two teams, one with a $200 million payroll and the other with a $60 million payroll. One of the teams features Roger Clemens, who signed for about a million dollars a start. The other features Joe Borowski, who will probably lose a game or two by himself.

Yankee fans are arrogant assholes.

I'll be so glad if the Indians sweep them and end the series in New York, with Alex Rodriguez getting showered in a chorus of boos from those stupid, selfish pricks in Yankee stadium. I hope Yankee manager Joe Torre gets fired. I hope that Derek Jeter joins the Peace Corps.

Man do I ever hate the Yankees.

Even more, I hate Major League Baseball's kowtowing to the richest franchise(s) around. They think they have no financial basis for putting this shit to an end. They think (rightfully, to a point) that if the Yankees aren't in the postseason, they'll lose a crap-load of money. And they're right, sorta. At least, until you realize that the NFL has vastly overtaken baseball in terms of money and prestige largely on the basis of universal competitiveness. The NFL realized long ago that the league is better off and more healthy if everyone is competitive. And in turns it means more money in their pockets.

MLB is run by a bunch of douchebags.

But that totally digresses from my original thesis: God do I ever hate the Yankees.

The media fawns all over them. Vegas has(/had) them at 2/3 odds to win the series over the Indians, which is a total crock of bullshit. No team in baseball should ever be favored by more than some fucked up fraction like 4/7ths or something. Forget the fact that they're pitching blows chunks and the Indians have probably 4 of the best 6 players in the series. The same people telling you shit like "pitching wins championships" are the same fuckers who are saying "playoff experience means something."

Like hell it does. And you can take your postseason experience and shove it.

See, those assholes get off on name dropping "Jeter" and "Rivera" into their lackadasical, unfounded writing, while ignoring "Carmona" and "Sabathia," arguably the two best pitchers in baseball this year. Or "Betancourt" or "Garko."

But that's ok. I don't mind the media putting the Yankees as ridiculous favorites despite winning fewer games in an easier division. Again, dragging the media into this distracts me from my original point: I hate the Yankees.

I hate their fans. I hate their players. I hate their history. People want to wet their pants when clips of Babe Ruth come on, never minding the fact that even way back then, they had a financial advantage like no other franchise did.

The only Yankee whom I do not hate is Reggie Jackson. And that is because he attempted to kill.... the queen.

In a related story, I will argue to the death that Kareem Abdul Jabar is the greatest basketball player of all time.

But every other Yankee I absolutely detest. And as much fun it's been watching them crash and burn in the postseason the past few years, it ticks me off that I know that next year, I'll be watching them in the postseason again, dicking around. Because while they're dumb enough to still not be the best team despite the biggest payroll, they're not dumb enough to not be one of the best four teams in the American League. No one is that dumb. They can at least spend their way to a wild card every year with no thought involved.

Yes, the Yankees can go screw themselves. I hope they get humiliated in Games 2 and 3 like they were in Game 1, where they basically gave up after 5 innings. Because I and every self-respecting human being hates the New York Yankees.

They're almost as bad as the Boston Red Sox.


Anonymous said...

2 years old but still as true today as the day it was written!

heike said...

This is the greatest thing I have read in a LONG time. It is so true. I am a lifelong diehard Jays fan and I agree with your article 100%. They are total pricks from top to bottom... THEY MAKE ME SICK!

Sam said...

If 200 million weren't enough

Those assholes are up to 441 million now

jeeves4most said...

great article

and fuck the yankees 4 real. theyre a bunch of arrogant pricks who think they need to win a world series every year. they take the fun outta baseball and attempt to make it a one team sport and a business rather than a game.

Anonymous said...

"Yankee fans ARE arrogant assholes"!