If you are currently between the ages of 20 and 40, your life was significantly affected by the Nintendo Entertainment System. It just was. The Greatest Generation had WWII. The Baby Boomers had Vietnam and the 70's. We had the NES. It bridged the gap between the Summer of Love and the Internet. And thank goodness too. I don't even want to imagine what existence would have been like without it. We'd probably read a lot more.
Below is the first in a two part homage of sorts to the NES and all it gave us. What follows is Part 1: NES Games That Were Impossible to Beat. Perhaps you too were frustrated enough by these games that you, like Dear Mr. Supercomputer, threw controllers at small felines. These are the toughest games of all time.
The rules: has to be a really tough game. One that you were lucky to even get near the end. There were tough games that could be beat. Those don't count. We're talking about the games that were made before they really knew much about the home video game market and what sort of skill level the average 12 year old could have.
(Ed. note: And none of those damn games that actually couldn't be beat. Like Spy Hunter, Tiger-Heli, or Rampage. That was total bullcrap. How can you make a game just loop like that?! Deep down, I actually still harbor the belief that Spy Hunter can be beat if you're good enough. In fact, I think that was the prevailing urban legend of the day in Anderson Mill.)
Sure it was a cool game. You got to use a whip. Then a chain whip. Then, if you were lucky, a long chain whip. Actually, I learned what a "morning star" was from this game. I also learned about the plight of trying to slay the undead with only three lives. I don't think I ever reached the last level in this one. I never beat Dracula. Thankfully I beat him several times in Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest.
Never beat it. Never got close. And I never was really sure what the hell I was doing. I wasn't sure if I was flying through outer space or some guy's organs like in the movie Innerspace. The bosses were some sort of conglomeration between xenophobes and tumors. Either way, it was nearly impossible to kill the thousands of flying things while avoiding touching the damn walls.
Track and Field
To be honest, I don't even know if this game could be beaten. I really don't remember. All I remember was developing carpel tunnel syndrome at the age of 8 trying to push the A and B buttons successively faster than my brothers. I'd say we spent about 20% of our time together trying to press the A and B buttons faster than the other guy. And screw you if you had the NES Turbo controller. Just screw you.
NES Play Action Football
The NES ventured into the four-player football game and it was a disaster. It was also the first and last football game to employ the diagonal playing field. It was a bitch to even throw the damn ball. The ironic thing is that is was supposed to bring video game football a new degree of realism not attained in the extremely-fun Tecmo Bowl series. Instead, this game was a mess. And part of the reason it's on this list is because I don't think any 9 year old has the patience to play a whole game of this. Seriously, it takes like six minutes to run down the field. I mean: it had actual 15 minute quarters!!! Are you kidding me?! We're supposed to spend an hour playing this stupid game?!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Special Category - Games That Were Impossible to Beat, Unless You Cheated; Then They Were Really Easy