Saturday, February 03, 2007

And the current leader in this weekend's vitriol is...



OK, so I haven't A) read more than 100 pages in The World is Flat, B) watched War Photographer (I ended watching Season 3 of Arrested Development. I have a problem.), or C) spent much time on my application to get my "I'm a Bad-Ass Teacher" Certificate.

So the target of my rant is Guinness Draught. While it's kind of by default, let's not kid ourselves: this is how beer would taste if you ran it through your car's motor. It's like a beer-latte with all that foam. Only you don't get a rush of energy afterwards, but you do get the weird stomach problems for hours. Seriously, I had a coffee with cream at 8:00 and the Guinness at 9:00. They pretty much tasted the same, except the Guinness made me want to throw up.

Look, I like the dark beers and all, but this is going too far. It's like they took Newcastle Brown, washed their bodies with it, removed all the carbonation, and put it in a can with one of those paint-can shaker thingies.

If you're asking why I bought it in the first place, well, it was on sale. And I thought I'd give it another try. I'd only had it like once at a bar and had a similar reaction to it. And I have a friend who drinks Guinness exclusively (he's the scraggly looking one with the facial hair and the blue mittens). Look, you're not supposed to be able to chew your beer. I wonder if this is what brought down the IRA.

(Update: Never ever, under any circumstances, drink two Guinnesses in one night. Ever. Are we clear on that?)

5 comments:

Kendra said...

Aw, Geoff, I'm sorry we couldn't rescue your Guiness from you tonight - but then we wouldn't have been privy to this lovely rant. Have you tried the Irish Car Bomb? It, indeed, only requires half of a Guiness, and with the irish cream and jameson whiskey, it tastes more like a chocolate milkshake than motor oil.

Anonymous said...

Rejected Megaman Character:

http://reject8.ytmnd.com/

sk said...

Suck it up. http://www.realbeer.com/edu/health/calories.php

Guinness alcohol content? 4.0
Bud Light ? 4.2

gk said...

OK. I don't know who "anon" is or even if it's not a spam-blogger, but that link is pretty funny.

Anonymous said...

you puff