Friday, December 29, 2006
I know that many of you will unfairly remember Mike Tyson for his insane and criminal behavior, supplementing his over-hyped boxing career. But let us not forget that he paved the way for the second greatest sports video game of all time.
So let us dwell on such things.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Steve Martin: If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.
If I had two wishes that I could wish for this holiday season, the first would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of harmony and peace.. and the second would be for $30 million a month to be given to me, tax-free in a Swiss bank account.
You know, if I had three wishes that I could make this holiday season, first, of course, would be for all the children to get together and sing.. the second would be for the $30 million every month to me.. and the third would be for all encompassing power over every living being thing in the entire universe.
And if I had four wishes that I could make this holiday season, first would be the crap about the kids.. second would be for the $30 million.. the third would be for all the power.. and the fourth would be to set aside one month each year for an extended 31-day orgasm, to be brought about slowly by Rosanna Arquette and that model Paulina somebody, I can't think of her name, of course my lovely wife could come, too. She's behind me 100% on this, I guarantee you.
Wait a minute, maybe that sex thing should be the first wish! So, if I made that the first wish, because, you know, it could all go boom tomorrow, and then what have you got? No, no.. the kids singing would be great, that would be nice. No, no, who am I kidding! I mean, theyu're not gonna be able to get all those kids together! I mean, the logistics of the thing is impossible! It's mroe trouble than it's worth! So, we reorganize: here we go. First, the sex - we go with that; second, the money. No! We go with the power second, then the money, and then the kids.
Oh, wait, oh geez! I forgot about revenge against my enemies! Okay.. revenge against all my enemies, they should die like pigs in Hell! That would be the fourth wish! And of course, my fifth wish would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing in the spirit of peace and harmony.
Thank you, everybody.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Any boy lucky enough to own a Nintendo Entertainment System can wax poetically about Tecmo Super Bowl. It is unequivocally the greatest sports video game of all time. It was so good it ended the era of side-scrolling football games. It was so good, you didn't pick a defense, you just tried to guess what the other guy would call. It had glitches, superhuman athletes, and frantic button-tapping all in one. And it unleashed a fury a video game athletes, the likes of which we may never see again. Topping that list is Bo Jackson:
The only thing the game was ever missing was an advertisement, but thanks to the sprawl of youtube over every corner of the universe, we have that now as well.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
5. The Fray, "How to Save a Life." It should be noted that two of the songs on this list were featured on Scrubs, thereby altering my initial opinion of the song. This is one of them. Nothing like sappy piano ballads adored by fourteen year olds to get me all sentimental.
4. Chumbawumba, "I Get Knocked Down."
"He drinks a whisky drink
He drinks a vodka drink
He drinks a lager drink
He drinks a cider drink"A colleague of mine is an actual. Chumbawumba. Fan. She is, seriously. She discussed with me at length about their various albums (they have albums?). She's insane.
Anyway, it drives Mrs. Supercomputer batty that I like this song. Whenever we fight she'll hear this song on the radio, and it's pretty tough to stay mad at someone who's singing the words, "pissing the night away...." with emotion.
(Side note: this song was actually "featured" on Scrubs as well. J.D.'s brain threatens to yell "I get knocked down! But I get up again! You ain't never gonna keep me down!" if J.D. doesn't do something it wants.)
3. Finger Eleven, "One Thing." The only thing I hate worse that modern rock sap-bands are bands that do the whole "Noun-Number" thing. Seriously, it pisses me off. Well, Finger Eleven managed to achieve both with "One Thing."
This was the other Scrubs introduction. Never has there been such a mystery of what a singular obstacle was since what ever "that" was that Meatloaf wouldn't do.
2. Goo Goo Dolls, "Name." This one gets bonus points because I actually called in to request this song on the radio when I was like 13 or something. In my defense, however, this was before I or anyone else knew that they would become the Wussiest Band of All Time. Although with a name like "Goo Goo Dolls" I think we all should have known regardless. But the call was to 101X, not 94.7, so I still have some street cred left, right?
Anyway, I came real close to buying their album, but I just didn't for whatever reason. Thankfully, that'll save me some face. But it still doesn't change the fact that I ashamedly like this song.
I should also note that I tried really hard to learn this song on guitar, but could never get that alternately-tuned slide part down just right. How awesome would I be if I covered this song at a coffee shop? I think I'd be the first person ever to get booed off stage at "The Hideout."
1. Kelly Clarkson, "Since U Been Gone." OK here's the thing: I'm not at all ashamed about liking - nay - loving this song. I mean, c'mon, this song absolutely rocks. Kelly Clarkson is pissed about U and what better way to get out her frustration with U than crooning "you had your chance, you blew it ... shut your mouth I just can't take it again and again and again." Not since Trent Reznor's dog died has such vitriol been unleashed on the American public.
Admit it, when you're flipping the radio and this song comes on, you stay. And you listen. And you start singing.
"I'm so moving on, yea-yeah!"
So come on guys, come clean. It's time to break down and admit enjoyment of songs that would normally get you ostracised. There's no judgment here at Dear Mr. Supercomputer.